Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
