Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
