1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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