I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
