Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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