Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
