Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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