I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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