plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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