I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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