He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
