My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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