dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
