just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can I color on your dick again?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
