mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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