plz talk dirty to me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
