i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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