There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
