we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
