I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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