Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it was like eating out sand paper
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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