Nicole vs. Life
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
