i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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