What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
