just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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