he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
