I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
