Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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