my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
