he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
