My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
