Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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