I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
