He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
