I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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