if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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