i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
