respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
