I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
