no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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