This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
