youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
