yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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