Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
