I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
