i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
