haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
