I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
