it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
