Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
